Later in the day, I foresaw a different issue that could present itself as a problem later on that night. So I called the person in charge of that project and gave her instructions so there would not be an issue. Later that night though, things fell apart. The I instruction that I had given seemed to have been intentionally, and disrespectfully, ignored and the issue presented itself anyway. This all happened very quickly, within seconds. I was made aware of the situation as it was transpiring, and something just snapped.
I responded badly to a close friend, co-laborer, and sister in Christ. My words were harsh, immediate, and very uncharacteristic of me. I think I was right in addressing the issue, but I was certainly very wrong in my method of addressing it and I had even misunderstood the whole of what was happening. This time, I was the one 'jumping' too quickly. She took it well, ignored my assault, and forgave me graciously.
I evidently had to face two tests yesterday. I passed the first, in which I was obviously the victim of being wrongly accused. I handled it well, because I knew the truth. But I miserably failed the second test, partially because I was overloaded and frustrated, perhaps partially because I hadn't addressed the victim mentality from earlier in the day, but mostly because I didn't know the truth. I wrongly assumed some things, based on the facts available to me. Just like my attacker had done earlier in the day.
I apologized quickly, (perhaps a hundred times) and it was received graciously. My friend, and sister in The Lord, seems to still truly love and respect me as I also still love and respect the person who jumped to quickly at me, even though an apology never came from him. That doesn't matter though, because 'love covers a multitude of sins.' I forgive him anyway, just because he's human and made a mistake, and because I certainly need grace.
I'll do my best to give grace, and forgive, even when it isn't requested or maybe not even deserved... Because you see, I really need grace myself. I appreciate the grace I received yesterday because I didn't really deserve it. Who knows, I may not have received it if I hadn't already shown myself willing to give it.
In any case, I'm just a work in progress, human, fallible, sometimes too quick to judge, too harsh with words, or just all-around grumpy. I'm better than I once was, but not nearly what I hope to be. But that's no excuse, Christ is in me, and therefore I should be displaying Him and not that other stuff. That's why I have to say I'm sorry, just as I have to forgive someone who didn't.
Pastor, don't feel like it's backing down to apologize. If your wrong, or even if you're right in motive but wrong in your method, say your sorry. It's okay to make a mistake once in a while, if your willing to own it, and fix it.
Something just snapped. Looking back, lots of things led up to it, but nothing gave me the right to act that way. What snapped was probably my pride... (Well, I didn't need that anyway.) Nothing will humble you faster though, than making a fool out of yourself and having to ask forgiveness. It's best to just not go down that path in the first place but if you do, ask for forgiveness.
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